Canadian Fathers: a Profile of My Own Dad.

CANADIANS LOVE FATHERS.

Walking my daughter down the aisle.

What is a father? I have struggled with that definition all my life. My father was a great influence in my life even though we barely had any real time together. But I do believe that he influenced me in many ways. When my brother died at the age of four from leukemia, both my parents never really recovered personally, nor in their relationship. But I do know that his teaching to me was clear and concise in the brief moments we talked. My dad was far from perfect but I chose to listen to the good things and I will be forever grateful that I did.

Today, as a father of two grown adults, I have come to see the fruits of my fathers’ teaching.

First of all, he taught me to accept that there is only one captain in my life when it comes to steering its direction. God gives us the free will to do what we want with it, be it good or bad.

He told me that the course of my life will not always be simple or easy, and that if it was I would never learn to be tough enough to make the hard decisions.

 He said “Sometimes life sucks and it’s up to you how you deal with it”. He told me to hold doors for people as a sign of respect. He said to dress for success. “Whether you’re the prime minister or a ditch digger, dress for the job and dress clean”.

He told me once that if there ever was trouble and he had to choose between me and saving my mom, then mom came first. He said with her help I could be replaced. I knew he was kidding, but it made me feel that he valued my mom above all else.

Proud Dad. (photo by Adam Pap)

“Be the best friend you can even when those around you do not follow such beliefs.” “What goes around comes around so if you’re going to spend your life hurling crap at people you better be ready to duck.”

 “Why play a game if you can’t win or lose? Where is the learning about life in that?”

There were many other sayings and each one was taken to heart as I grew to understand them.

Today, I try and follow the many rules both my parents gave me. I am teaching my children and others these time-honoured values in the hope that it will make their journey honourable, if not easy. I also learned from my dad’s sad mistakes in life. You see, he also taught me to learn from the mistakes of those before us. Mistakes I do not tend to duplicate.

My lovely wife.

When my dad passed away, we were leaving his apartment for the last time and two ladies stopped me to ask if I was his son. They said to me, “Your father was always a gentleman, and in all the time we had known him he had never said a bad thing about anyone”. Not a bad epitaph for any man.

It was these things that helped shape my life. Of course, I could have chosen to ignore his words but that would have been a foolish waste of life full of lessons.

Finally, I think he would say to children having trouble relating or even loving their fathers, to look for the good in him. And if you cannot find the good, then don’t duplicate the bad...because that would be the last thing your dad would want.